Making a Good Profile Theme 101
Posted on: January 31, 2011, at 08:43:52am

1. Download a bunch of brush sets. Preferably off DeviantArt. Stick it to the man and show you support "indie artists." Whatever that means in the context of web design.

2. Download a bunch of grunge textures. Old decrepit walls, wood, dirt, leathers, torn paper, static, etc. This adds a dark, contrasty look to your theme without any thought necessary. When in doubt? Stock textures!

3. Scanlines are your friend. You know, those 1px thick lines at a 45 degree angle? Yeah, those. Put them on everything. Everything. It goes on everything. It's "modern," "hip," "futuristic," and more! Never mind the fact it makes stuff look flat. Nobody cares about depth. That shit makes it hard on your eyes, or something.

4. Use anime graphics. Always use anime graphics. Don't ever cut them out of the background. If you absolutely have to, never use the Pen tool. Use magic wand, magnetic lasso, polygonal lasso, or if you're feeling really brave, use free-form lasso and/or magic eraser with a threshold of 0. This will produce the best results.

5. When you resize any of the aforementioned assets (anime graphics, textures, etc.), never, ever, EVER in your ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE hold the shift key, and never, ever, EVER in your ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE do you even DARE to downscale it. Always upscale. Never look for larger, higher resolution images to work with. Just scale that shit up. It's what the pros do.

6. Typography is for suckers. Don't learn that. It's a waste of time, money and mental effort. Just go to a free font supplier and go to their "Grunge Type" section. I guarantee you you'll run into hundreds of great fonts, like Birth of a Hero (definitely not Avant Garde) and Bleeding Cowboys (definitely not for faggots). This will create an edgey, rebellious in-your-face look with minimal effort. It fits with anything. Do you know what goes great with grunge type? Reference point 2: grunge textures!
Don't ever kern, don't ever track, don't ever set leading, don't ever play with the type. Just use stock settings (120% leading) and never use the glyphs palette.

7. Okay, so you've done all of the above. Now, in your Photoshop document, put an anime render onto it. Increase the contrast by at least 500%. Put scanlines onto it, and get your favourite abstract brushes. Brush that shit all over the image with 1000% scatter and jitter. Set it to overlay and overlay a rainbow gradient over that, too.

8. Now that that's done, you have to pick a font for your username. Pick 50 random fonts from your list of available fonts (which should be over 10,000) and assign numbers to them. Generate a random number between 1-50 and use the appropriate font. This is how you truly pick a good font through the most objective manner possible.

9. Congrats! You are now an FFR graphics pro. Be sure to spread the word of your prowess to your friends and their friends. You are the next best thing to happen to design!

1. 1: Evnoir
   Posted at 11:02pm on February 1st, 2011

   I am pro now.
2. 2: chidori!
   Posted at 7:27pm on February 2nd, 2011

   "at least 500%" That's what I was missing!
3. 3: LongGone
   Posted at 7:01pm on February 14th, 2011

   Niec guide
4. 4: XXXsmittyXXX
   Posted at 9:21pm on February 19th, 2011

   Never ever in your entire fucking life.
5. 5: WolfXhunter
   Posted at 9:24pm on February 19th, 2011

   i am not pro. i do all the things he list.
6. 6: hazard28
   Posted at 12:20pm on February 25th, 2011

   LMAO
7. 7: Shikari
   Posted at 10:34am on February 27th, 2011

   Step 3 is insane, it'll make the filesize go NUTZZZZ.
8. 8: Shikari
   Posted at 10:35am on February 27th, 2011

   But, yeah, you pretty much summed up everything you need to do to make a good profile background, in a funny way, gj
9. 9: justin_ator
   Posted at 8:12pm on July 24th, 2011

   Priceless.
10. 10: cetaka
    Posted at 11:14pm on August 30th, 2011

    thank you i have used this guide to great aplomb and so can you
11. 11: biohazard_123
    Posted at 5:23pm on September 10th, 2011

    Birth of a Hero is actually a pretty good font :o
12. 12: i love you
    Posted at 10:50pm on December 17th, 2011

    I had a really good laugh at this XD