What would be going through your mind...

[Shikari]

Originally Posted by eastsideman09

I need to be.

Of course you need to. I know he wants someone around all the time, but he can't trust anyone, he can't get into a relationship. So what's left to do? Open his eyes, like you tried to do, ESM. I needed to be harsh, you did the right thing, I would do that.

Since he's cynic and stuff, I honestly don't really think he killed himself (I hope not, actually). He just wants to get attention to his own issues, aside of his money and family problems. That's not selfishness, that's desperation. I don't really recommend to "get rid of him", just keep being clear about your little free time, but keep in touch with him. As far as I understood, you're like the only close friend he has, the only one he managed to trust. Keep trying to opne his eyes, keep being a friend.

Anyway, I'm sorry for you, man. My condolences to you and his family, just in case he really commited suicide.

[Rubin0]

I reread what you said now that I am sober and all I have to say is to cut contact with this person if he survives. The person you need to be concerned about is yourself first and foremost. Then you worry about your family and people you truly love. Friends are acquaintances are basically at the bottom of the totem pole, only above complete strangers. You did your duty as a friend, you tried to help him, your duty is done. It is not your job to allow him to drag you down into the depths of hell every single time he finds himself there. Misery loves company.

Maybe I'm cold, but I have a strong sense of self-preservation. There is no room for demanding attention seekers in my life which is why I keep so few people in my life to begin with.

Good luck and whatever the outcome I hope that you are not haunted with any sense of guilt because you should not be.

[eastsideman09]

At this point, I'm still waiting for a call from him, I just know there's one coming. As far as I know, he's still in the hospital. He doesn't know how I really feel about the situation, but if/when he calls, that's what he's going to get.

The "harsh", "cold", and "callous" things you guys have suggested where all going through my mind the first time when I talked him out of it. I know what he needs to hear, but I don't think it's a good time right now. I actually don't think he'll be ready if/when he calls me the first time, but I think it'll have a bigger impact on him while he's vulnerable, yet not suicidal.

I think I'll suggest therapy, and make him realize that there are more people that care about him that what he thinks (although he really should be able to come to those conclusions himself). After that, I don't think there will be a whole lot more to say to him for a while

[reuben_tate]

Originally Posted by Shikari

Of course you need to. I know he wants someone around all the time, but he can't trust anyone, he can't get into a relationship. So what's left to do? Open his eyes, like you tried to do, ESM. I needed to be harsh, you did the right thing, I would do that.

Since he's cynic and stuff, I honestly don't really think he killed himself (I hope not, actually). He just wants to get attention to his own issues, aside of his money and family problems. That's not selfishness, that's desperation. I don't really recommend to "get rid of him", just keep being clear about your little free time, but keep in touch with him. As far as I understood, you're like the only close friend he has, the only one he managed to trust. Keep trying to opne his eyes, keep being a friend.

Anyway, I'm sorry for you, man. My condolences to you and his family, just in case he really commited suicide.

Yes, yes. Good advice. Suicide is often though of by society as a selfish act. In this particular case, he didn't post the status updates for selfish purposes. It was out of desperation. Considering that he has very few close friends, he is trying his best to find people who might care about him. Usually one equates "A lot of people are upset/mad at me" with "nobody loves me or cares about me anymore." They see themselves as people currently detached from society and many they are trying to create those "strings" to get back in touch. However, these people usually lack the tools or skills necessary to create these "strings" effectively. Try to see if you can somehow encourage him to learn these skills, whether it's therapy or some other method (read something like encouraging-others-for-dummies.) Best of luck.

[eastsideman09]

Dear FFR,
Just an update on this ongoing situation for those who care...
Look at what I got last night.

I'll start by saying he called me last Sunday while I was working, so I didn't answer, nor did I call him back. Later that night, he posted on my Facebook wall saying that "Us nigs got things to discuss. Let me know when you're available."
I let him know that it probably wouldn't be this week any time soon because I had midterm projects due in all of my classes.

A message from this same person last night:
"Man, it really disappoints me you can't find 20 minutes out of your day to talk. I don't care if it's even just a text. This shit isn't easy in any way. I understand people handle things differently, but all I'm asking is for you to act like a friend. I would do anything for you man, and my life has gone through a huge change, all I wanted was to just speak to you for a bit. I know that you're aware of what happened. I guess all I'm getting at is that it just bothers the hell out of me that you can't even talk to me for a short time, but you can find time to update your status on facebook. but it's really ok man, I've got people here, you're just the last person I expected to act like this. Don't worry, you aren't the only one. I just needed to get this off my chest. See you when I see you."

I received at 2:30 in the morning
He posted this status soon after sending this to me.

"You know, I'm trying really hard for this. It just sucks when people handle it so selfishly. Why can't you get that it isn't about you and maybe things are beyond your understanding? I guess the people that matter do get it. Trying to keep my head up."

He probably has too many mental blocks set up in his head to hear any sort of honesty and truth I have to say to him. I've yet to respond. I was livid when I first read this, and I'm still pretty pissed.

[Reincarnate]

I had a situation VERY similar to this btw.

A friend of mine, who we'll call James, was very depressed and was quite vocal about it. He'd felt as if the world had outcasted him and that nobody cared. One night he called me crying and it took me well until the middle of the night to calm him down. He went to bed feeling better.

Two days later, James tried to kill himself with drugs. After recovering, he'd try to get in contact with me, continually upset and wondering why I was distancing myself.

I ultimately responded to him and told him this (roughly quoting): "I understand that you want friends in your life who care, but you also have to be there for your friends. You don't realize what kind of burden you put on people by expecting them to go out of their way to explain to you why life is worth living or how you can improve your own life situation... only to have all these pieces of advice disregarded anyway in favor of attempted suicides and self-threats. That puts everyone through pain -- not just you.

When you do things like this, it makes everyone else feel helpless because nothing seems to convince you otherwise. People DO care about you, but you make it difficult for people to get close because there's this inescapable aura of danger surrounding the way you handle yourself. I really suggest that you seek therapy or counseling. I can even help you start looking in the right direction.

But the last thing you should do is blame others for your own decisions or get upset when people become distant when you start throwing suicide into the mix. Death scares the crap out of people. It's not that people don't care -- it's that they don't know how to help safely without feeling helpless or guilty if the situation worsens. Please do the smart thing here and seek help."

[eastsideman09]

I'm highly considering copy-pasting this in the message I'm currently typing to him, if you don't mind. I'm sitting with my mom right now trying to get the right message across. Personally, I'm feeling more hostile with it, but all that will get is more hostility out of him. My mom is saying that I just need to put his situation back on him instead of letting him try to manipulate me or anyone else into giving him the sympathy and empathy he wants. It's not what he needs, and it obviously isn't enough anyway.

[G.S.M]

Originally Posted by darkshark

It takes a weak person to consider suicide. It takes an even weaker person to fail at it.

This

Originally Posted by Reincarnate

I had a situation VERY similar to this btw.

A friend of mine, who we'll call James, was very depressed and was quite vocal about it. He'd felt as if the world had outcasted him and that nobody cared. One night he called me crying and it took me well until the middle of the night to calm him down. He went to bed feeling better.

Two days later, James tried to kill himself with drugs. After recovering, he'd try to get in contact with me, continually upset and wondering why I was distancing myself.

I ultimately responded to him and told him this (roughly quoting): "I understand that you want friends in your life who care, but you also have to be there for your friends. You don't realize what kind of burden you put on people by expecting them to go out of their way to explain to you why life is worth living or how you can improve your own life situation... only to have all these pieces of advice disregarded anyway in favor of attempted suicides and self-threats. That puts everyone through pain -- not just you.

When you do things like this, it makes everyone else feel helpless because nothing seems to convince you otherwise. People DO care about you, but you make it difficult for people to get close because there's this inescapable aura of danger surrounding the way you handle yourself. I really suggest that you seek therapy or counseling. I can even help you start looking in the right direction.

But the last thing you should do is blame others for your own decisions or get upset when people become distant when you start throwing suicide into the mix. Death scares the crap out of people. It's not that people don't care -- it's that they don't know how to help safely without feeling helpless or guilty if the situation worsens. Please do the smart thing here and seek help."

and this

[eastsideman09]

Here's what I wound up sending him. Thank you very much Rubix! I kinda used your comment as a skeleton.

Originally Posted by Myself

Excuse me for skipping your pity party, I'm not a big fan of those.

In case you forgot, I've already tried talking to you and, like any good friend would, I gave you warmth and compassion. I listened to you, and it was enough… You made that abundantly clear when you overdosed less than a week after I talked to you.

I can't tell you what you need, that’s something people have to figure out for themselves. I've already given you what I have, and it wasn't enough. I know the transitions you're going through are tough, but we're all going through the same thing, and it's not supposed to be easy.

People DO care about you, but you make it difficult for people to get closer to you because there's an obvious neediness projected from you, and it turns a lot of people off. I understand that you want friends in your life who sincerely care, but I don't think you realize what kind of burden you put on other people. You’re expecting them to go out of their way to explain to you how life works, why it's worth living, and how you can improve your own life's situations; only to have all these pieces of advice be disregarded anyway in favor of attempted suicides and self-threats. That puts everyone through pain, not just you. When you do things like this, it makes everyone else feel helpless because nothing seems to convince you otherwise. You’re actions do have repercussions, this is one of them.

The last thing you should do is blame others for your own decisions or get upset when people become distant when you start throwing suicide into the mix. Death scares the shit out of people. It's not that people don't care, it's that they don't know how to safely help you without feeling guilty or helpless if the situation gets worse. I don't want, nor do I need, that burden. For your own good, do the smart thing here and seek professional help --Therapy, counseling, whatever it takes, because what I have offered and what everyone else has to offer obviously is not going to cut it.

I'm anticipating either a phone call or a hasty, emotional response. Should I get a call, I'm gonna let him know that if he wants to talk to me, it's gonna have to be in writing. I don't think I'm ready to talk with him without eventually lashing out and making the situation tougher than it needs to be, and I don't think he's ready either. Typing it out, rereading what you have to say, it makes finding your words easier... That message took a little while to finalize.