A Rose Dipped in Poison

awesome13 · 07-31-2008, 09:04 AM

This isn't one of my best poems, but i think it's pretty good. (i actually typed this awhile ago, so i've gotten better. This is one of my favorites.)

A Rose Dipped in Poison

A beautiful red rose sparkles in the sun
Losing its vibrant red petals one by one
As they fall to the ground we see
That the rose wasn’t so sweet

The rose was stained with a violet poison
As it drips from the withering pedals
This beautiful flower of romance
Slowly dies as it’s grasped by the devil

The last of the petals fall to the ground
As the sun begins to fade
The only question we think of now is
Why was this rose ever made?

My heart is covered by a veil of poison as well
As this story comes to a close
But I desperately hope
My fate isn’t the same as the rose

**R-Sisco** · 07-31-2008, 09:16 AM

You just love that depressing stuff don't you? Yeah I read it...its ok.

awesome13 · 07-31-2008, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by R-Sisco

You just love that depressing stuff don't you? Yeah I read it...its ok.

yeah, and thanks

Tibs · 07-31-2008, 07:36 PM

Why does the rhyming structure change after the first verse?

who_cares973 · 07-31-2008, 08:37 PM

depressing because your depressed

i liked it also what tibs said

why?

Crashfan3 · 07-31-2008, 08:46 PM

Nice.

I'm also curious as to why the rhyming style changed.

TakeHayashi_XD · 08-1-2008, 02:20 AM

i like it because its as if the rose had a poisoned soul

NFD · 08-1-2008, 02:26 AM

The poem overall was decent.
Here's a haiku for you so you can do better:

This poem is fine
It is not the best I've read
Keep working on it

TakeHayashi_XD · 08-1-2008, 02:56 AM

wow that was a plain haiku, but well written and appropriate
good job

NFD · 08-1-2008, 02:59 AM

If I wanted to use more details, I would have picked a subject that wasn't based off of a short poem on an Internet forum, but thanks.

who_cares973 · 08-1-2008, 03:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NFD

The poem overall was decent.
Here's a haiku for you so you can do better:

This poem is fine
It is not the best I've read
Keep working on it

what a great haiku
try making it sound better
irrelevant post

**Netjet!** · 08-3-2008, 11:17 PM

you guys are cool
making awesome sensible haikus
get some lives people

**infinity.** · 08-3-2008, 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Netjet!

you guys are cool
making awesome sensible haikus
get some lives people

5-7-5 next time, bud.

**knuckles2224** · 08-3-2008, 11:21 PM

That story was soo sad, I cried.

Commandersa1 · 08-3-2008, 11:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Infinity.

5-7-5 next time, bud.

xD, where did he get 4-9-5 from?

07-31-2008, 09:04 AM	#1
awesome13 FFR Player Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: none of your business Age: 30 Posts: 9	A Rose Dipped in Poison This isn't one of my best poems, but i think it's pretty good. (i actually typed this awhile ago, so i've gotten better. This is one of my favorites.) A Rose Dipped in Poison A beautiful red rose sparkles in the sun Losing its vibrant red petals one by one As they fall to the ground we see That the rose wasn’t so sweet The rose was stained with a violet poison As it drips from the withering pedals This beautiful flower of romance Slowly dies as it’s grasped by the devil The last of the petals fall to the ground As the sun begins to fade The only question we think of now is Why was this rose ever made? My heart is covered by a veil of poison as well As this story comes to a close But I desperately hope My fate isn’t the same as the rose

07-31-2008, 09:16 AM	#2
R-Sisco FFR Veteran Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 163	Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison You just love that depressing stuff don't you? Yeah I read it...its ok.

07-31-2008, 07:36 PM	#4
Tibs FFR Player Join Date: May 2006 Location: UK Age: 35 Posts: 5,235	Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison Why does the rhyming structure change after the first verse? __________________ Metal covers of vidya game songs

07-31-2008, 08:37 PM	#5
who_cares973 FFR Player Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: :U Age: 35 Posts: 15,407	Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison depressing because your depressed i liked it also what tibs said why? __________________

07-31-2008, 08:46 PM	#6
Crashfan3 FFR Player Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Jefferson, Ore. Age: 32 Posts: 2,937	Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison Nice. I'm also curious as to why the rhyming style changed. __________________ Twilight Sparkle's Ponyville Group Free Chiptune Streaming Radio! Thanks justin_ator and megamon88 for making my sig 20% cooler.

08-1-2008, 02:20 AM	#7
TakeHayashi_XD FFR Player Join Date: May 2008 Location: Florida Age: 29 Posts: 136	Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison i like it because its as if the rose had a poisoned soul __________________ ~READY.AIM.FIRE!!~ .hack//roots

08-1-2008, 02:26 AM	#8
NFD FFR Player Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: I see us on a beach down in, Mexico Age: 31 Posts: 4,715	Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison The poem overall was decent. Here's a haiku for you so you can do better: This poem is fine It is not the best I've read Keep working on it __________________

08-1-2008, 02:56 AM	#9
TakeHayashi_XD FFR Player Join Date: May 2008 Location: Florida Age: 29 Posts: 136	Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison wow that was a plain haiku, but well written and appropriate good job __________________ ~READY.AIM.FIRE!!~ .hack//roots

08-1-2008, 02:59 AM	#10
NFD FFR Player Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: I see us on a beach down in, Mexico Age: 31 Posts: 4,715	Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison If I wanted to use more details, I would have picked a subject that wasn't based off of a short poem on an Internet forum, but thanks. __________________

08-3-2008, 11:17 PM	#12
Netjet! Sic itur ad astra Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Ottawa, Canada Age: 30 Posts: 4,700	Re: A Rose Dipped in Poison you guys are cool making awesome sensible haikus get some lives people __________________ RIP Steve Van Ness <3

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