[samurai7694]

I would not be making this thread unless I was 100% certain about what I am about to do now. I'm not necessarily leaving the community really but refraining from playing FFR, SM and possibly many other rhythm games. However, the less distractions the better and I will explain everything in this thread so have patience with me. The big paragraphs will be in spoilers and I will include tl;dr lines though because I sure as hell need those sometimes and I understand that some people need it too. This is my way of ranting and letting this off my chest... *phew*

tl;dr - omg wtf samurai quitting? well, the game yes but it's not like I want to leave the community really. I'll be on skype and steam just ultra busy with irl shit

Life:

My life remained a mystery to some people but I'll share the gist of it here. I discovered this game in 2006. So 8 years of playing did take a toll on me, not to mention I play a decent amount of musical instruments and other rhythm games like Guitar Hero. At some point, my hands were going to suffer, especially since I put a shitload of emphasis on my right hand when I played Stepmania a lot. I had a shitty school experience with weight gain, acne breakouts, bullying, depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harm and losing touch with my family. I was hospitalized and technically should be on anti-depressants but my parents decided for me to not take them. I endured psychological abuse from certain people and I would take out the anger on FFR through rage-sessions which isn't healthy for me. Rage and self-deprecation are habits I'm still learning to break and it hasn't been easy so far. For a while I felt that I needed FFR to make something out of myself because I was considered below-average as a violin player for my years of experience which resulted in countless audition failures and my grades in high school suffered a lot because I was desperate to seek attention and recognition on FFR and didn't take exams seriously. Even to this day, I just honestly wish people would understand that I'm more than just a username attached with good scores on music rhythm games.

tl;dr - I was cyrx900 in 2006, played for 8 years, my right hand hurts from too much wrist movement, *wink*. My life felt like shit for a while and people in school treated me bad for being fat and ugly while I was seeking love and attention from the wrong people which led to depression and a plan to kill myself. I would also take out anger on people, the game, and myself with words and fists which isn't healthy imo

School and future plans:

I really have no direction to go but up in FFR/SM and it became evident that I may be past my expiration date after I felt strong pain in my right hand during the 10th official tournament. It felt nice to beast through 2nd place though! For the past week, I've instead been focused on final exams and leveling up on Final Fantasy XIV. I got mixed grades unfortunately for being lazy in two classes: three As and two Cs this term, which brought my cumulative GPA down to 3.3-ish (I have only done two terms so far. I'm still a freshman so hopefully if I get straight As from now on, I can hopefully bring it up to a 3.7 or 3.8 by the time I graduate). I am super serious about being a professor one day which will mean a lot of studying and shit but I'm super committed to it as I was when I really wanted to AAA nearly everything on FFR except I'm getting irl A's, hell yeah! I may also be considering moving to a different country at some point.

tl;dr - omg wtf so I did meh in my fall term but oh well I just hope to get my associates degree with a good gpa then move on to be a professor either here in the states or in a different country maybe although it'll take a while but I'm a patient person. I just want lots of money for a house and one dog and one cat rofl

FFR Community <3 :

Without being too dramatic or anything, I have care for those that I have met in person through FFR meetups and those that I have talked to for a long time. In the back of my mind, I knew I would face depression once again after I would leave these meetups. The stuff I've read on the forums for the past few years have made me feel all kinds of emotions and although I don't really post much, I'll have to say that some posts really make me laugh and some really make me like some of you and think "I'd hang out with this person right here if I wasn't so damn far away". Distance sucks but I have made it a habit to use my birthday and Christmas money on meetups since 2011. Lots of tears were shed from the time I spent laughing at victorymanias, weed :} and Ji's spiderman twerk avatar as well as the tears shed from extreme happiness because I have awesome people in my life. I would take the time to mention some of you but I don't want anyone left out so I just want to say that I have love and respect to those I have met in person so far and hopefully I'll have enough money to do meetups again.

tl;dr - omg wtf *sniff* *sob* I like to thank the Academ-no. meetups have been my own personal anti-depressants but they're temporary. lots of cool people in this community and even some of the trolls gave me a good laugh of the day sometimes. I cry evertim thinking about the good times and the happy times.



With all this being typed, as the great AlexD once said: "Thank you for sharing your story with us on flashflashrevolution.com". Thank you for reading through if you did. I don't hate you if you ignore this. I just want people of FFR to understand that it can be dangerous to be dependent on a game (or other stuff) as a way of coping. I don't want anyone to go through want I went through. Use the past as a learning experience, detach from evil shitlords and don't overlook the people that care about you and make time for you. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, enjoy all the holidays and all the food and drinks you can handle! Hopefully 2015 is a good year for all of us!