[eastsideman09]

The first thing I thought was "Wow, he actually ****ing killed himself."

For the most part, I think he's being melodramatic. The conversations we have had about his college experiences are very entertaining. He's made plenty of friends through his job, roomates, and parties. Apparently, though, he feels like they only like him because he's fun to be around while everyone's drinking, and he is, he's fun to be around. He's yet to get the same kind of connection, communication, and friendship that he's gotten with me, and from what I can gather, nothing else is good enough, and he wants that kind of companionship constantly.

About a month ago, he broke up with his girlfriend, who he was really in to. I thought his reason was bullshit, but he said he felt as if he was "trapped" in the relationship though... The relationship he had before this one lasted a year, and he said he was lying to himself, convincing himself he was happy in that one. He says he prefers to be single, and enjoys the freedom to flirt with anyone he pleases, and has ****ed a lot of girls in between these relationships. As a matter of fact, he'd had sex with some girl the night before I had talked him out of suicide. Apparently, the sex he's getting isn't good enough either.

I feel as though he's being very selfish overall, and I think his cynicism, trust issues, and stubbornness are too bad of a combination for him to have even thought of trying to change for the better. I really think he killed himself.

I haven't called him yet, and I don't plan on it. If he didn't do it, he'll call me and probably bitch me out for not caring enough about him. If he did do it, then I've no sympathy. He had a few mishaps with his friends, and he ****ed himself financially, if he's too irrational to see himself past it, I can't be burdened with that, as much as it seems he's trying to put it off on other people.

"My family won't talk to me"....
No shit... You shitted your money away.

"My friends won't talk to me... Not even you, all it takes is a phone call."
I'm sorry I'm not able to talk to you every single night in the middle of the night, even though I have class in the morning. Time gets slim in between class, homework, and my job.

Maybe I'm making excuses. Maybe I'm being too harsh, but maybe I need to be. Maybe I'll feel differently once I find out whether he did it or not.

Sorry for ranting on you FFR, by the way.