And I only got on ffr bc I got an email saying you sent a friend request. I can tell my mental health has drastically improved bc all of the emotions I used to feel when I went on this site are gone. No more bad memories, feeling like time is being lost, etc. It just exists and I'm cool with that. I'm glad I took the time for self reflection and to figure out who and what I am in 2018. 2019 is going to be a good year.

Rereading my old comments. The indian love video thing was just me memeing btw. It legit was recommended to me but shit was so tarded that I thought I'd share

http://imgur.com/a/1C3bZ
https://twitter.com/Whatchamanigger

Youtube recommended this shit. They must know my current situation </3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VakILPdtaIY

will make a difference either. I truly love you and I always will but I failed and have lost all hope of a relationship between us

I think... I think I am going to give up. Between you constantly cheating on me, telling me you care more about others more than you do me and now trying to get rid of me and block any form of communication we have, it's obvious it will never work no matter how hard I try. I remember when I was dating Jess, she told me something about finding someone who is already your idea of perfection even if that takes a lifetime because it's unfair to find someone, tell them everything you hate about them and expect them to conform to what you want. Maybe you really are like your mother. I mean, she did give birth to you and all so you're made up of her DNA. Maybe I was fighting a losing battle the entire time. Maybe the only reason we lasted as long as we did is because we rushed into the relationship and were too stubborn to let go. Maybe the reason why you never changed is because you didn't want to. Whatever the reason, if I was unsuccessful after half of decade, I doubt the other half wi

So then it becomes do I blame you for not doing as I did? There's so much shit I think about and it makes me question everything. As far as personalities are concerned, we're one in the same but as for morals, you have none. I just don't know if I should give up on you. Because I was taught that if you want something, you work for it. And although there's a lot that needs to be worked on/fixed, the end result may be completely worth it. Whereas if I found someone else who doesn't have the same issues as you, there may be problems elsewhere and neither of us care about each other the way we do. Plus giving up on the one you love is fucked imo/basically telling them they don't matter. I just don't fucking know

The issue I'm having is that deep down I'm still just as madly in love with you as I was in 2011 but at the same time I know that you're undeserving of my love because of the things you've done. But once again, I try to come up with an explanation for why you are the way you are and the obvious answer is your mother. You were raised seeing her with lots of guys and taught sex isn't a big deal. She's also what got you into drugs. So I think to myself how amazing you are as a person but how certain circumstances corrupted you and I wonder if you're to blame. The closest thing I can relate it to is your education. There's a lot of simple shit you don't know but you've also admitted your schools are shit there/don't teach anything. So it's like do I blame you for being stupid or the schools for doing a shit job. But at the same time I didn't learn shit in school either because I didn't give a fuck but afterwards I bettered myself and taught myself everything I needed to know.

I keep rereading our last kik convo. You said I made you so happy that it were as if you died and went to heaven/was perfection yet you still were talking to guys saying you wanted to suck their dick while they played CoD. You said that talking to them stressed you out/that you were worried I would find out yet you still did it. Nothing I ever do for you will be good enough. I can make you the happiest you've ever been and you'll still choose someone over me. I really need to mover on but we;ve been through so much that it's just difficult

I checking your screenshots again and I fucking hate how loving you are. And by hate, I mean love but only hate it because you're gone and I miss you. You can make anything so cute. Makes me fucking want you so badly