My favourite comedian (Demetri Martin) is in the video clip of my favourite song at the time.

I've been listening a lot to Fountains of Wayne for the past couple of months. Their song lyrics are mostly brilliant.

I like the idea that most singles might have someone living close by who would be perfect for them, but they're so busy with their routine, that they don't even notice them.

There once was a poor man who walked around without shoes. His feet were covered in calluses. One day a rich man felt sorry for the poor man and bought him a pair of Nikes. The poor man was extremely grateful and wore the shoes constantly.
Well after a year or so, the shoes fell apart. So the poor man had to go back to running around barefoot, only now all his calluses were gone and his feet got all cut up and soon the cuts became infected and the man got sick and eventually, after they cut off his legs, he died.
I call that particular story "Love, Death & Nikes." A real cheer me up story for Mr. Monster. That's right! All for you. Oh and something else: fuck you Mr. Monster.

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I'm not hittin on ya, but I have premium upgrades that show I have a lotta cash.

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Never darken my door again
If opportunity knocks, let's make him beg

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