23, MARCH 2014
Well, we finally made it back to ********, Kansas! We broke down in Northern Texas, unfortunately. The stupid car people who ''fixed'' Ricky's car forgot to top off the oil when they were done doing what they did. We broke a rod and ended up having to call for a towing company to just take the car because it was junk at that point.
But lucky us we broke down by a motel. And that Scotty's mom, Susan was able to come get us at last minute. I am also glad that we have a place to stay with his family, but I'll admit that it is a slight bit awkward for me to be here considering the year me and Ricky have had. But I'm trying to work through that.
I'm still pretty upset that Lynsi can't just text me. I honestly don't understand why she is the one who is mad at me. I wasn't going to stay living in a cramped ass apartment that I didn't feel comfortable in. I wish that she could understand that it hurt me when her boyfriend started moving his things in the bedroom me and her were supposed to share, together. It was pretty invasive, and made me feel like I was just in the way and wasn't wanted or needed. Plus there was that fight where she flat out told me she didn't want me working at her job anymore, aaaand when she told me that she didn't believe a word I say because it sounds like nothing but lies. If people would just listen to the whole part of what I'm trying to say, instead of getting defensive after hearing part of what I'm saying there would never be that situation. I especially feel that someone who calls themself my best friend, should be able to give me the time to fully explain anything and not say things that are meant to intentionally hurt me because they are mad. I wanted to say bye to her before I left Texas, but I was just afraid to talk to her because she is really scary when she yells. I still love her with all my heart, but I was scared I couldn't open up and be honest, mostly because I've hit a really low slump mentally.
I've realized this week that:
1.) I Most likely won't be anything specail or important
2.) Since #1 was realized I feel like a failure
3.) I can't save money for the life of me so I'm doomed to be broke
4.) I feel like I couldn't help Ricky out - like if I would have looked a little harder for a place to live that everything would have been fine and we would have had our own place for the first time ever
5.) I feel like Alex's dad was actually right when he said that ''You have champagne taste on a Kool Aid budget, and that attitude will sink you for the rest of your life.''
6.) I can't even bring myself to tell my family that I'm not in Texas anymore
7.) I have carpel tunnel so bad in both my wrists that writing down notes is painful, so forget my dream of doing art for a career. There's no Disney. No Magic. No art. I have nothing.
8. ) What if I simply can't find a job here because it's such a small town that nobody needs help in?
9.) I still have to get into COLLEGE somehow.
10.) O.C.D. is going NUTS in overdrive of everything that needs to be done to help out/ settle in/ finish up taxes, document book, walmart, etc.... furniture..... OMFG.

I think my stress level is maxed out. Goodnight Kansas. Its good to be home where I can see the stars again.

MARCH 20, 2014

Well, 6 and 1/2 years later I find out I have a blog. Better start using it? D:

So today is March 20th, 2014, and, my last day in Houston. I failed again. Me and Ricky are planning on going back to his hometown in ********, Kansas. We are going to stay at his Dad's house. I'll be updating more on here since I know I have a bloggy thingy.

Cheers!

P.S. Goodbye, Houston, I'll be back for you. But next time I'm going to own you!!